It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it hurts more in the daytime
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
