only you would photoshop your dick
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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