he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
