Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
