just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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