Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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