I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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