I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
