Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
