so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
