Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize