I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
