nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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