Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
