batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
