ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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