I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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