when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize