Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
