Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
