he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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