What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
