Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
