I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
