Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize