If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
