Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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