Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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