Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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