just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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