so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
