her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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