Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
