Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
worst night to have a conscience
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
