I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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