just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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