Nicole vs. Life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
