please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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