so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
