Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
