hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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