Will you blow on my dice?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
