You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
only if we run a train.
done.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
