i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if only i could text you this smell
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
