Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
