Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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