dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
