i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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