For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
