I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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