I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
organizing the empties. That sober.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
