I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
