You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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