I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
