At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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