I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
