I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
