I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
