the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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