i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
