Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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