i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
