Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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