the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
