How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
