I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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