My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
