I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
