Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize