im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
