We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
