1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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