I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We were destined to go to rehab together
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
