My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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