no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
