I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
