So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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