We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bring money and cleavage
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize