how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
