bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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