It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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