I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
