He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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