Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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