Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
