Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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