the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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