I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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