that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
