hotel room ftw
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
