An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
