I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
