I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
