thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My ass is underappreciated
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
