Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
