i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
