my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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