Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
