just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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