You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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