I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
