So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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