I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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