Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
