She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
