Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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