My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
