Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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