rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
